Standing Still While the Water Rushes By

standing in the water

Have you ever tried standing still in the middle of a river while the water runs by? Or what about just standing still on the shore of a lake/ocean? It isn’t necessarily easy.  Sometimes the riverbed is slick. Sometimes the shore line is rocky and rough. Sometimes its squishy and hard to keep your balance. It takes work to stand still in an unknown environment.  It takes focus and is a whole body effort.

Lately life has felt a lot like I’m standing at the edge of a riverbed and trying to keep my balance.  I am reminded by a trip we took last fall over to a local state park. I remember so clearly the difficulty Kylie and Lexi had just standing on the rocks while a couple of inches of water flowed over their feet and past them while they tried to navigate the slick rock.IMG_8006

The picture is sweet, but what it doesn’t capture is the slip and fall into just enough water and sludge to get yucky that immediately followed! I was glad that I had kept my shoes on and stayed on dry ground.

So why am I pondering and painting about standing on the edge of the river bank and waiting for the water to recede? Because that is the promise I am taking and firmly planting myself on in order to figure out how to “do” life right now.  You see, years ago I had the privilege of hearing my husband Doug preach over Joshua 3 which is about the crossing of the Jordan river with the Ark of the Covenant, and his thoughts and my processing over the last few years give me hope and peace in the midst of chaos.

Read Joshua 3:14-17

So when the people set out from their tents to cross the Jordan with the priests carrying the ark of the covenant before the people, and when those who carried the ark came into the Jordan, and the feet of the priests carrying the ark were dipped in the edge of the water (for the Jordan overflows all its banks all the days of harvest), the waters which were flowing down from above stood and rose up in one heap, a great distance away at Adam, the city that is beside Zarethan; and those which were flowing down toward the sea of the Arabah, the Salt Sea, were completely cut off. So the people crossed opposite Jericho. And the priests who carried the ark of the covenant of the LORD stood firm on dry ground in the middle of the Jordan while all Israel crossed on dry ground, until all the nation had finished crossing the Jordan. Joshua 3: 14-17 NASB

I know. Its wordy and full of commas, but it speaks to me.

Can’t you see it? Can’t you feel it?

I’m such a visual person that I can’t help but recreate the scene in my head. The Jordan river is at flood stage. The waters are rushing and the people know that they have to cross the river. Man, my pulse starts picking up just thinking about it. I picture myself as one of the priests, holding one of the poles to the ark on my shoulder.  It works well.. responsibility, peer pressure, expectations..

(I found the painting below labeled for reuse.. feel free to picture yourself as one of the other 3!)

james_jacques_joseph_tissot_-_the_ark_passes_over_the_jordan_-_google_art_project

I digress.

So, anyway. We arrive at the edge of the Jordan. We know that God has foretold that once we step into the water, the river will recede with the water dividing and piling up above us and below us, on the sea side being cut off and not able to flow back in. But we have to take that step. Can’t you imagine it? The river is at flood stage! The water is flowing and not only do you have to take a step into the river, but you are carrying a large and heavy burden.

But isn’t that what life is like?

While I don’t really remember the particulars from Doug’s sermon years ago, and I’ll admit that my takeaway from it might be incredibly flawed. The one thing that really stood out to me that I have pondered and considered is the idea of stepping into the water and standing still while the water recedes. I have thought about it over and over. Maybe my interpretation is wrong, but I needed the image of having to step in and hold my ground while the chaos of the running water around me receded.

Life isn’t easy and anyone that says it is, is lying and somedays I need to be reminded that while I don’t have to trudge THROUGH the water, I do have to take that first step INTO the water.

Cause really, in my mind, I see the priests holding the Ark of the Covenant just a step into the water holding firm and steady while the water rushes between their legs and runs towards the Dead Sea. Can’t you just imagine the panic that was rising in those priests before the water started visibly receding. But they stood there and the water receded and Joshua 3:17 says that all of Israel crossed on dry land.

And so for me, as I stand in the water.. maybe just an inch deep, or maybe it is up to my ankles.. or even my knees.. I am reminded to stand and let the chaos around me recede instead of trying to push through and make  a path. That isn’t my natural inclination. I’m all about taking up my machete and forging my own path.

But I don’t have to.

Sometimes being a leader is forging the path and sometimes being a leader is taking the first step and then holding still so that others can cross on dry ground.

And that is what my watercolor painting is of at the top of this post. I’ve learned how to make a path. Now I’m learning to stand and wait.

 

Advertisements

What I learned from watching my daughter in Colorguard

About five years ago if you asked me what colorguard was I would have asked if you meant the “flag girls” on the football field at half time with the marching band. I would have meant no disrespect, but I didn’t have a real frame of reference for colorguard beyond that they were the pretty part of the half time band performance.

Today however, if you ask me about Colorguard, I can talk about it for a looong time! Cause you see, I am a veteran “Guard Mom” whose daughter was Captain this year, is graduating from high school next month and last week performed her in final Winterguard competition. Oh.. you don’t know what Winterguard is? Well, Winterguard season is December through April and the guards perform a show entirely different from the fall and perform it inside a gym. It is quite a competition!

IMG_2208

So here are some of the things I learned over the last four years..

Colorguard is a SPORT.

Guard rehearsals are like practices for sports. Full sweat, smelly feet, sore muscles and long hours.IMG_2186 2

(Color/Winter) Guard is a synonym for FAMILY.

Over the last four years we have come to know the guard director, staff and students very well. These teenagers and their families have become our family.  The director has been a mentor and another mom for Maddie. Being part of the guard family is an honor.

Guard teaches the importance of the
individual WITHIN the team.

IMG_2200

IMG_2196IMG_2197

One of the coolest parts of the color/winter guard team is that each individual and their work is incredibly important to the combined efforts of the team.  Hand positions, foot work, throwing (and catching) hard tosses, and the ability to keep up and on the beat are deal breakers for the overall look and ranking of the guard. Because of this, the team learns how to work together and use the unique skills and abilities of each member while working to get better and stronger each week.

 

Guard teaches young women that beauty and strength are two parts of the same whole!

IMG_2207

One of the greatest gifts that guard gives to teenage girls is the understanding that beauty and strength are two parts of the same whole. Being a member of the guard means that you have grace and dignity as well as strength and fire. These lessons learned during teen years are life changing and help girls mature and become strong and beautiful women.

I am so thankful that Maddie was a “guardie” and that I had the privilege of being a “Guard Mom!”

(Thanks to Amanda Akins and Derek Dodson for the incredible pictures!)

 

Empty Bowls

Months ago one of my colleagues, Beth, the Culinary Arts teacher came and asked me if I would be interested in having my students work with her students on a community service project. Beth told me about the concept of Empty Bowls and how if my students would make the bowls, her students would make the meal and we could donate the proceeds to a worthwhile organization. Sounded great!

So my students got to work. And work they did!! Oh my. They made hundreds of bowls. Some really great ones.. some not so hot. But everyone of my 150 students made a couple of bowls!

Once the bowls dried, the kiln was either running or cooling constantly for more than a month! So many bowls to fire to bisque and then to glaze and fire and then, we had issues with the glaze and many had to be fired again!

It was a tedious process, but the students learned so much and had so much ownership in this project. Students truly cared about their bowls.. significantly more than they would have if it had just been a clay project where they made a bowl.

These bowls had meaning!

We were also incredibly fortunate along the way to have a number of bisque ware pieces donated to my students, so we had some really great serving pieces and mugs that were already fired and just had to be glazed. This gave us a jump start for sure!

So finally it was time for our Empty Bowl Project. We decided to donate to Backpack Buddies of Erath County as this organization makes sure that students that would otherwise go hungry over the weekend and during school holidays have food. Given that a number of my students are recipients of this program, it was nice that they were able to give back without anyone realizing it!

empty bowl project

The night of the event it was cold and rainy.  The soup was PERFECT! The culinary arts students made a perfect meal and some of the board members of Backpack Buddies were able to come and help sell tickets and pottery.

By the end of the evening, we had sold lots of soup and 2/3rds of the pottery was gone. Whew. One of the really cool things from the event was being able to see the pride the students had in their work and their ability to give back to the community.

It was a great event and SHS Culinary and Visual Art students
were able to donate $744 to Backpack Buddies!

empty bowls
SHS Students with Backpack Buddies of Erath County Volunteers

Fostering Creative Thinking

Children are innately creative. I know this. I see this everyday.  Yet I regularly hear adults say that their children aren’t creative. I try to be nice. I’ve learned to just keep my mouth shut and not call out these parents, but oh it is difficult! Children NEED to be creative. It is who they are! From invisible friends, bringing soldiers and dolls to life, and even simply playing house, being creative is a necessary part of a child’s growth and development.

IMG_3433

Why do parent’s say that their children aren’t creative? Well, over the years I’ve decided that it is a control issue. Creativity is often messy.  Creativity requires a suspension of disbelief. Creativity embraces differences and pushes boundaries. All of these are areas that make adults uncomfortable. Believe me. I know! Even in my world where creativity is a prized treasure, it is still messy and at times drives me crazy.

But it is worth it.

So what do you do if you can’t fathom the thought of glitter in your carpet, paint on the back porch,  a million legos underfoot or blanket forts in the living room?IMG_5539IMG_7590

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, start simply.

There are some great games that you can play. While Kylie is the one pictured here, all of my girls are willing and happy to play the games in the pictures together! And that is a win in and of itself! Our family plays games. We play card games, board games and dominoes. We put puzzles together and build lego creations. If the idea of Playdoh crumbs smushed into the kitchen table and chairs gives you the willies.. start with games like Otrio, Trax or Mental Blox.

IMG_6347

(FYI.. this is NOT a paid advertisement.. these are my real life recommendations!)

IMG_5231IMG_1363 IMG_1365

Fostering creative thinking is a soapbox issue for me. Why? Because I’m amazed at how many adults DON’T KNOW HOW TO PROBLEM SOLVE! And we as a society are not teaching nor are we modeling to our children how to problem solve, how to come up with new or different solutions to problems or even how to think for ourselves!

While I am a huge advocate for technology and I want equal access to information and all that technology brings, I am worried about the immediate reaction to just “google it” when something doesn’t work.

Resiliency is more than being able to survive when the internet is down!

We have to model and teach children that when there isn’t a clear answer, sometimes we have to simulate the what-ifs and work through options. We have to not only allow FAILURE, but embrace it and show our children how to move through failure to success!

IMG_3685

So there you have it. I challenge you to go be creative today. And no, you don’t have to go paint a picture or create a sculpture to be creative. Go play a game, create a fairy garden in the flower bed, build a treehouse.. do something that doesn’t already have a set finish point and that requires your brain and your body to work together in a new way!

And finally, enjoy the journey

Leader in Waiting

Waiting is hard. We all know that. It’s especially difficult when the waiting is personal. It seems like I’ve been waiting for a chance to be an educational leader for twenty years. The reality is that I haven’t been waiting “that” long, it’s just hard when I know that I have so much to offer and my skills aren’t being utilized equal to my potential.

Nevertheless, I’ve been adding to my education and my resume. I may not be an administrator yet, but I’ve completed my Superintendency certificate.

Screen Shot 2018-02-18 at 1.53.01 PM

I’ve also written another play and have a research article accepted for publication.

One of my friends recently posted a question on her social media feed that I have been pondering.. “How long do you knock on a door before you accept that it is closed?”

I have to say, I can’t help but wonder if the same applies to me. By no means am I going to give up my dream to be a leader. I don’t have to… I AM A LEADER. But the reality might be that being an educational leader might have me leading and serving in an area that I didn’t plan or expect.

And isn’t that the sum of life. So much of our life happens in the waiting. I can chose to be bitter about the fact that the “fast-track” to administration has never included me. Instead, I’m choosing to learn more, reinvent myself and ultimately, I will be a stronger leader.

 

Primary Immunodeficiency

Saturday afternoon as I sorted the mail, I wasn’t expecting a sucker punch. But I got one. There in a seemingly innocent receipt from one of our specialists was a new diagnosis for my daughter. No explanation. No preparation. Nothing. It was just listed there between Unspecified asthma and Other allergic rhinitis like a harmless friend.

But its not.  In fact, nine vials of blood were sent to the Medical College of Wisconsin (the only center in the country to run the incredibly specialized tests that she had to have) last spring to see if maybe we might have some answers. And we were told no. That the tests were inconclusive and that we should just stay our course and not change treatment.

And then bam. There in black and white and insurance codes was D83.0…  that’s Common Variable immunodeficiency with predominant abnormalities of B-cell numbers and function .. for those untrained in insurance codes.

IMG_1948

Guys, that’s a primary immunodeficiency and we are smack dab in the middle of a horrible flu season and my child is getting no preventative or precautionary medical treatment.

I am RUNNING SCARED!

You would think by now I’d be use to this kind of crap.

I’ve been a parent of a sick child with rare diseases for eighteen years.

But I’m still scared.

Tonight as we face the week ahead, all I can do is pray for my sweet resilient daughter and pray for her protection. Her incredibly complex medical picture makes easy answers and typical protocols not work for her.

So please you guys out there.. if you are feeling achy, tired and run down, do me a favor and stay far, far away from my girl. I desperately want to keep her home the next couple of weeks, but that isn’t possible. We joked tonight, as we have many, many times over the years about needing to get her a bubble.

Tonight my laugh was brittle.

Definitive Choices

IMG_0456How often do we choose to live in the land of the wishy washy choice so that we don’t have to go all in on something? I know that I do it. And I’m an “all in” personality.. Big time! But there are areas of my life that I need to be reminded to “go big or go home.”

Over the last two days, I had the privilege to work with a number of  high school one act play casts from the surrounding area as they prepare for competition. During this time, I found myself repeating quite a few concepts over and over to each cast. One of those was to make concrete choices and get rid of the wishy washy decisions.  It is early in their production cycle, so many of the notes I gave were quite useable (I hope!) as they have time to truly process what I said and then choose to use my thoughts or ignore them.

This got me thinking about decision making it in terms of real life.  I personally love making a decision and then going headfirst into a new adventure. I know that scares some. It invigorates me! My problem typically isn’t starting, it’s finishing.  Nevertheless, there are a number of areas in my life where I need to reevaluate my choices.

There have been times that I have chosen to go headfirst down a wishy washy path purposefully forsaking the definitive choice. Sadly, I see that and realize that the window for the definitive choice has passed me by in some areas. Knowing this, I desperately want to stop, and take the advice of business man, Brian Buffini:

“While there is a time to think about a solution, reflect on it and gather feedback from others, there comes a time when you have to forget about input from other people. Be confident in your choices, and stick by them.”

2017 By The Numbers

family 2017 collage

450 Hours Sweating, 100 Kid’s Performances, 80 Doctor Visits, 40 College Hours, 25 Paged Play in Production,  20 Boarding Passes, 10 Radiology Reports, 4 State Parks Hiked,
3 Medical Walking Boots, 2 Surgeries and 1 Very Active and Tired Family.

************************************************************************************

2017 was a busy year.

As I sit on my couch almost dizzy from the congestion in my head, I’m going to use this “down time” to wrap up the year! I so wanted to send out cards and a letter. I love getting cards in the mail. But I gave up. I can’t do it all… as much as I like to and think I can most days!

Anyway..

Wrapping up the year mentally has been fun. Doug and I talked through the highlights and the struggles. We know we are busy, but when you put the numbers to the activities that we do on a regular basis, it is mind boggling! No wonder my house is always messy and that there are 3 baskets of clean clothes in my living room on any given day!

So let’s start at the top of the recap:

  • 450 Hours Sweating: Doug and I make working out a priority. Most days it’s an early 4:30am start, but it is worth it for our sanity!
  • 100 Kid’s Performances: This is literally the tip of the iceberg as for every performance or contest there are double or triple the number of rehearsals and practices that we have attended.
  • 80 Doctor Visits: I’d like to say that this year was an exception and that we don’t usually see the doctor this often. I wish. Some years we have more than 100 visits. Granted, Lexi has seen the doctor way more this fall than ever and Maddie was healthier, but the sum total is in our “normal” range.
  • 40 College Hours: I completed my Superintendent’s Certification in 2017 (18 graduate hours) and Maddie completed 22 hours of college credit spending the summer before her senior year of high school as a full time college student!
  • 25 Paged Play in Production: I wrote a play this year. It’s called Unexpected Hope and it is in production! I can’t wait to see Stephenville High School perform it for their UIL competition this spring.
  • 20 Boarding Passes: Traveling is something that Doug and I love to do and we are teaching our children to enjoy. In 2017 as a family we went to Disney World and Doug and I went to Mexico and San Fransisco. Doug also travel on his own for work to St. Louis.
  • 10 Radiology Reports: Dang. Four MRI’s (two each for Maddie and Lexi), a CAT Scan for Doug, plus numerous x-rays as Lexi broke three bones this year, Doug broke one and Maddie, well, she’s Maddie.
  • 4 State Parks Hiked: In the midst of chaos, we love to get outside. We are firm believers in forced family fun in all it’s glory in the middle of nowhere and no technology!
  • 3 Medical Walking Boots: yeah. Doug, Maddie and Lexi.
  • 2 Surgeries: Doug and Maddie.
  • 1 Very Active and Tired Family

And there you have it. I’m looking forward to 2018. We have lots of plans and major life events coming up. Maybe we will get through 2018 with fewer doctor visits and bills! Wouldn’t that be a dream come true. Nevertheless, we know that no matter how few or how many medical related issues, our priority remains to…

Live BIG, Dream BIG and Love BIG.

No wonder I don’t have my Christmas Cards ready to mail!

I’m sitting on my couch drinking my second cup of coffee and enjoying a Christmas cookie for breakfast. I thought about getting up and going to work out… but it is the first day of Christmas break and I’m going to just enjoy a few minutes of peace instead. Well, it’s peace-ish..Kylie has already been up for an hour and a half and is talking to me. It’s only 7:30am.

IMG_0071

I had the best intentions of doing more blogging this fall and I really wanted to get Christmas cards made and sent out.. but life has been BUSY! I realize that is always my excuse, but it’s the truth!!

So instead of recording experiences and prepping cards, I’ll just hit the highlights since my last post.

Lexi turned 13!! We had a family party and then she and three friends spent the night at a hotel with an indoor pool and had a blast. I had an adjoining room and one of my friends came over and scrapbooked with me! It was a fun party.

IMG_5499 img_9133.jpg

Doug turned 50!! I surprised him with a trip to San Francisco. We loved it!! I need to blog about our trip…

IMG_1560

We hosted our family Thanksgiving. We learned how to make dressing and played outside. We had a great day of just being together.

IMG_6825  IMG_3691

Kylie was in her fall safari themed musical at school. She made her own ears. She is not just creative, but she makes useable items as well. Super cool.

IMG_0152  IMG_9366

Lexi auditioned for Junior High All Region Band and made it! So proud of her. It is rather hard to bring home your french horn and practice when you have been on crutches for a few months!IMG_0961

Lexi broke her right ankle the first weekend of September. She has been either on crutches with a cast/boot or in a boot for more than three months. Another MRI was done this week and she sees the doctor the day after Christmas to reevaluate. This is some slow healing.

Then in mid November, Maddie experienced a 50% foot drop. For no reason at all. Just one day her right foot decided to not work. The doctor said that it is a reality of her autoimmune disease. These things will just happen. So she is in a boot until the nerves in her right leg decide to work again. Yes, that means we have two red hair beauties that are almost the same size in right boots. Yes, we stop traffic!

IMG_1961

IMG_9532

Kylie got her first pedicure. Our lives are so very busy with Almost Adult 1 and Teen 2 that Child 3 gets shuffled back and forth and back and forth. It was nice to just chill and do something with Kylie that wasn’t school related.

IMG_9145

We decorated for Christmas.

We watched Maddie at the Yellow Jacket Football games. Our football team advanced in playoffs to be part of the final four. It was so cool to watch Maddie and the band perform at AT&T Stadium (Home of the Dallas Cowboys). Yes, Maddie performed each week in a boot!

Kylie got her braces off.

IMG_8331

Lexi and Maddie both had band Christmas concerts.

Kylie saw Santa

Doug and I saw Santa after we ran a local 5k…

We had Maddie’s senior pictures taken. They are amazing and I can’t decide which ones to buy.. and the reality of her growing up and leaving home is setting in…

maddie

And I finished my Superintendency Internship! Along with everything else in our lives! I recorded over 150 minutes of video evidence of me presenting to organizations and/or interviewing district administrators about school districts, I documented over 150 hours of research and service within our district, completed the course work that accompanied the internship and I took the certification test and passed! It is so very nice to have this checked off as complete on my list of things to do!

When I look back at the highlights of the last couple of months, it is no wonder I don’t have my Christmas cards ready!!

So there you have it. I’m hopeful that this spring things might not be quite as hectic and I’ll be able to blog more. I also have some goals for the spring. Don’t worry. Nothing big. No new course work for me.. just goals like “make better food choices” and “clean the bathroom”.. things like that.

Thanks for sticking with me and have a great 2017 holiday season!

Transitional Parenting

Transitional Parenting.

22829141_1147636942033253_3636252644598228850_o
Maddie and Me. Photo by Amanda Akins Photos

That’s the kind of parenting that I am doing right now with my daughter who is a high school senior. Actually, I’m struggling to be a transitional parent as I am so used to being a hands on all the time mom… and still am to my 12 year old and 8 year old… but my high school senior is very ready for me to let go, and let her go.

But oh this is hard.

I’ve heard all of the stories for years. I didn’t doubt them.

But it is different when it is YOUR CHILD!

For the last almost 18 years, my entire world has been wrapped up in keeping Maddie well. Every decision, every plan, every possibility has been weighed against the potential medical response that Maddie might need. I can’t explain it really. Maddie’s medical needs have been an ever present issue. And now, it is terrifying to let go and help her walk away and prepare for college.

And she is doing it.

Maddie applied for college the first weekend applications opened. She was accepted almost immediately.

Maddie has been to a scholar’s preview and has accepted her first scholarship.

Maddie is taking ownership of her scholarship essays and telling me to butt out.

Maddie is ready to take on the world.

Her momma might need some counseling.

It really is amazing how wonderfully Maddie is doing right now. She is the healthiest that she has ever been. She is confident and strong.

These were the days that we prayed for when she was little and things were so scary.

So we are in a time of transition.

May God have grace on parents of high school seniors!