What type of person are you? When change is needed, do you frustrate, participate or initiate?
Today as I was taking care of an issue that needed to be addressed, I had a realization that there are a ton of small things that I take care of daily just because they need to get done. Some things are mundane household things, some items are work-related, and some are quality of life issues.
But it hit me. I don’t think “most” people take the initiative to make changes.
And so I’ve been pondering. Why do I initiate changes when others find their place in participating in transition and others even in frustrating the process of change. I’m not throwing stones at those that hinder the process. I know that I need people to say. WAIT. Have you thought this through? Have you figured out if this will work? Do you know what the cost is?
I have to say that I often give a side-ways glance at the potential pitfalls, but I’m a gung-ho, let’s move ahead kind of person. You know, the kind of person that initiates things. 🙂
I’d be interested in knowing where your sweet spot is and why.
Parenting is complicated no matter the ability, disability, or ‘normal.’ After almost 21 years of parenting, I feel like I can say that with some authority. But this post isn’t about how well we have done; this post is a little woe is me and a lot of brain dumping as I need a place to process, and there doesn’t seem to be much for parents in a world like mine. It’s sad because I know there have to be many parents raising children like my girls, but there are so few resources and no tangible help.
To begin, I have always known that my girls were on the spectrum. I taught public school for almost 25 years and taught every age, stage, and development level. It didn’t matter that the schools didn’t recognize their uniqueness. My husband, Doug, and I did, and we managed. The schools did recognize the girl’s giftedness, almost immediately, but would not acknowledge their disabilities. It wasn’t a surprise. The girls functioned at school and passed their classes, and seemed fine. In parent/teacher meetings, their unique abilities were always dismissed as “quirky” or some other cute descriptor.
And so we were always at an impasse. What we saw (and see) at home and what we knew to be true has been a different world than what was on display at school and what the teachers were trained to see. And let me be clear, I do not fault the teachers at all. Unless you are a special education teacher, you do not have autism and learning disabilities training beyond the “big ones” like Dyslexia. Even then, it is a crapshoot at best. But what has bugged me the absolute most over the last couple of decades is that since the educational system itself does not know what to do with twice-exceptional (2e or 2E) kids, they ignore their needs and pretend like there isn’t an educational obligation to reach these kids.
But there is one. If the goal of education is that all students work at their ability, then ignoring the needs of twice-exceptional students is a failure. The safeguards for special education students are ignored for twice-exceptional kids; worse, twice-exceptional kids like mine can’t even get an authentic evaluation! Instead of offering evaluation and services, we have been told time after time that our girls didn’t need anything (since they passed the state grade level tests at the highest level..) and that we needed to adjust our expectations. We have literally had to threaten legal action to get 504 evaluations and meetings, even though we had documented medical expert advice.
So what do we do?
We walk on a tightrope covered in eggshells buffeted by swirling winds. Okay, I’m dramatic. But dang, I am tired. Every day is different. As a medical mama for almost 21 years, I know that life. I learned early what Maddie’s medical signals were and knew how to fight, when to step in, why she was struggling, and where to take her for help. But understanding the world of autism and learning disabilities, autism and anxiety, autism and ADHD, autism and depression, to put it mildly, is different. One of the best blogs on 2E kids I’ve read discusses how twice-exceptional kids are developmentally asynchronous. This is the absolute truth. Asynchronous development means that intellectual development is at one place while the social-emotional level is at another place. The greater the disparity, the harder it is to find a balanced approach to life (and parenting)!
My youngest daughter, Kylie who is eleven is a great example of this. In kindergarten she was tested for the gifted program. She scored one of the highest scores the district had seen for her age. But she refused to participate in any game, circle or classroom group activity whenever possible. She learned to read at some point before pre-k, (I don’t know when, has she always read?), has a memory in the 99th percentile, but she has a slow processing speed and a disability in math. From an educational standpoint, when I pushed to have her evaluated for autism, I was told that since she was passing all of her classes and wasn’t a discipline problem, there wasn’t a need. When I took the test results in and demanded that she have a 504 because the math homework load was causing nightly meltdowns, screaming fits and horrible evenings, the math teacher was shocked. She “seemed to be fine in class.”
And that is our greatest struggle.
Just because the world sees a child/teenager that seems to be fine, doesn’t mean that is the reality. What we have learned in the last couple of decades is that when kids like ours feel so deeply and process everything in such detail, that they have to have a chance for it to come out at night. And guess what? That means the parents get the junk. I am so thankful that we are a safe place for our girls to process life with, but I’m tired.
I’m not writing this for your sympathy or trying to sound like a martyr. Raising our girls is an amazing experience, a joy, and a privilege. But it is hard. And 95% of that hard is never seen.
So a glimpse into our world.
Obsessions have included:
A three year fixation on the Fibonacci sequence, hand written in a notebook out to the quadrillions.. or maybe it was the septillions.
Reading and AR points, earning over 100 in a single six weeks (in 3rd grade!)
Building things out of hot glue and cardboard
Money. The counting, the saving, the considering, the wondering… on and on. But no real understanding of how money works.
Television series, movies made by the same actress, movies in the same genre
Refusals have included:
Will not attend anything without mom/dad/sisters there, will not stay at an event without said family, will not spend the night anywhere without said family
Took a zero on AR for a grading period because she didn’t want to test on a book that she had read
Would not complete a project because it would come with a public award
Will not take a class that would enjoy because others might see/know
Will not participate in a group activity.. but refuses one on one lessons as well
Daily issues have included:
Autoimmune disease and autoinflammatory responses
Extreme, yet inconsistent, food aversions and limited meal options
Textures, noise and stimulation
Not having an awareness of bodily needs such as being hungry or needing to use the restroom
And these are the easy and simple things.
I don’t wish for my girls to be any different than they are. I love them, their quirks, their passions and their ideals. But along the way, if anyone could have welcomed us into this crazy twice exceptional.. okay THRICE exceptional world, it would have been nice. Autism Spectrum Disorder is not so unheard of these days, but most diagnosis information is based on how ASD presents in boys. Therefore, our twice (thrice) exceptional girls are rare!
Research articles should you be interested in reading more:
This morning I read Psalm 139. It wasn’t the first time I’ve read it, but this morning it hit me differently than it had in the past. I won’t paste all of it here for you, but here is the link to The Passion Translation for anyone that might need a pick me up or feel compelled to read it.
But here is the portion that just STAYED IN MY HEAD today.. from verse 16.
You saw who you created me to be
before I became me!
When I read this, I just couldn’t help but think of all of my students, my family and my friends that have struggled with their identities. Whether it was simply a “personality crisis” or a larger identity issue.
I thought of my friends who have fought for space to be the person that they KNEW they were created to be. I thought of all of my students over the years who yearned for a safe place to be different.
To put it simply. I read this and I hurt for all of my LGBTQIA+ friends that didn’t feel like they were seen. That questioned why they were born. That questioned why they were here.
All I can say is that friend, GOD knew WHO you would be BEFORE he created you!
So for those that have questioned their value, their worth and their space, I am saying I am so sorry for the hurt that has been caused to you by church, by Christians and by religious people. Those words and that were spewed at you are NOT OF GOD.
Because God knew who you were going to be and created you, not in spite of who you are, but because of who you are. At least that’s my stance and this is my blog so I get to take it. 🙂
Anyway, this is what has been percolating in my head all day. Then one of my friends tagged in me in an art making video and it felt like a perfect thing to try today to continue on my #100dayproject goal.
And I tried it. With not great success, but I had fun. I’m going to keep working on it. My problem is that I have good quality watercolors and acrylics, not cheap craft paints. So tomorrow I’m going to go get the cheap paints and try again!
But here are my paintings for the day. I tried first with watercolors. I love the vibrancy of the liquid watercolors, but they pooled too much. Then, the acrylics were too think. So I put down some gel medium and that helped, but it left blank spots on the canvas.
The favorite pieces were the striped pieces created from the leftover pulled paint on the squeege.
But I have to say, my “Group Hug” painting is rather cool.
I can’t wait to try this again.
So whoever you are, reading this out in blog land… remember that BEFORE you were created, you were KNOWN and WANTED.
One of my friends shared with me about the #100dayproject over in social media land. I looked it up and thought that this would be a great opportunity for me to push myself to just play and create without big projects or big goals. The big goal will be to create for a few minutes a day for 100 days.
That in and of itself is a pretty ambitious goal!
Above pictured is my day 1.
I put RELEASE inside the center of half a flower flower because I need to be reminded that I have to let go if I’m going to grow. I find myself becoming more rigid and more controlled when life is uncertain. I expect too much from myself and others. So the hands open, ready to catch, but not clasping onto the lower remind me to keep open and be ready. I chose to put the green beams coming from the center of the piece so that I can focus on growth coming from good. And finally, I put the pink border on the piece because life doesn’t’ need to be predictable. Life needs color and fun and spontaneity.
Check back soon to see some of my creations.. and find me on social media and if you haven’t seen a post in a few days, call me out. I need the accountability.
In 2004, a mutual fund company sent Doug a pecan pie for Christmas. I never liked pecan pie.. until this pie. My mother-in-law, Ruth, was staying with us as we had a new baby and she and I devoured the pie and then for months I made pies and we taste tested them to see if we could make one as good or better than the one that was sent.
Eventually, I did create an amazing pecan pie recipe and over the years, I would make the pie for her for special occasions. In fact, before she got to a place where she wasn’t physically able, she would gather, sort and crack pecans and then I would make the pies with the fresh pecans.
I bet we each gained twenty pounds due to those pies over the years.
We never did get another one of those pies. Until this year. Opening the box was bittersweet.
Ruth died in the fall of 2019 and since I had hip surgery the week before Thanksgiving last year, the holidays passed without me making pecan pies. Opening the plastic on the pie was nostalgic. Ruth and I had a strained relationship at times… she could be difficult. But over the years we did things together and built traditions.
And so, I ate a piece of that pie in memory of Ruth.
And since I had already bought the ingredients and planned on doing so.. I made one too.
And I’ll enjoy eating it too.
And then I’ll run, cause that is a lot of really bad calories. But man it tastes good. 🙂
This is an unsolicited product review. I’m not getting anything in return for this post. I just want to support my friends Sara and Tametha who sell Color Street. I just love this product that much.
I haven’t had pretty nails in years. Lots and Lots of years. As a mom and teacher, there wasn’t time or money for a lot of years.. and then for the last twelve years I taught art..and spending money on pretty nails made no sense at all as they would last less than a day.
But with my new job came an opportunity to have pretty nails, and in perfect timing, one of my friends invited me to her Color Street party. I’d heard about these little gems before, but had never tried them. So when Sara told me about them, I thought hmm.. I’ll get them a try. And I fell in love!!
I absolutely love that there isn’t any dry time! I love that there are lots of choices and that they last for a couple of weeks. Even cooler, one package is between $11 and $14 and I can get between two and three manicures out of one package! And Kylie’s little fingers can get like 6! It’s pretty fun.
I liked them so much, I thought I’d host a party… but then another one of my friends Tametha, signed up to sell as well! So instead of having a party, I just buy from both friends.
So if you haven’t heard of Color Street, you should give them a try. It’s crazy. The strips are really nail polish.. just like 90% dry and you put them on like stickers and tada, you have painted nails. You can even mix and match the colors.
Today I put on “Night Terror” on my fingers, “Baton Rougey” on my toes and Kylie put on “Rustworthy” on her fingers.
We have a little stash and enjoy the variety, but my wish list is long! .
Aren’t these cute! Yep, these are on my wishlist. Oh and one more thing… Buy 3, Get 1 Free. Oh yes.
Let me start by saying that I’ve tried lots of different brands of makeup. I’ve always been a cheapo when it comes to makeup, but when I turned 40 a few-ish years ago, I decided that it was time to be an adult and buy more than just drugstore makeup.
So I did. And I’ve tried what feels like every brand.
I have SUPER sensitive dry skin, so much of what I’ve tried I’ve ended up sharing with my children.
I have friends that sell many types, styles and formularies. I’m not saying any of their brands are bad or inferior or anything like that… I’m just saying that I’ve found my brand of makeup. (I still use Young Living face cleaner and moisturizer though…) anyway.. If you need a recommendation for MaryKay, Beauty Counter, Young Living, and others, let me know and I’ll send you my squad links.
But for today, let me tell you about Seint. Until like last week it was called Maskara, but they rebranded themselves recently.
I’ve watched one of my friends sell Seint (https://purpleumbrella.seintofficial.com/en) for the last however long and thought it was interesting, but looked like a lot of work. Then one night I watched her facebook live… and yes my friends, that is why all of these direct sales women do facebook live videos.. and thought, I can do that.
So I got matched. How do you get matched?
Well, you take a picture of yourself with no makeup on in natural light and send it to your person. It wasn’t hard.
My person, Tara, sent me back this photo with a makeup template that includes where the colors go and the name of my matches for Contour, Highlight, Lip and Cheek, and Illuminator.
I have to say, looking at the image is a little intimidating for someone that isn’t into makeup!
After contemplating it for a few weeks, I finally purchased a few of the products. Well, enough to get a free compact. (Cause who doesn’t love FREE stuff.)
And I FELL IN LOVE.
It is so easy to use, forgiving and feels great.
And my face is happy.
So I ordered some for Lexi for her 16th birthday!
One of the things I like most about this product is the ease of use and the affordable price. Compared to many products that I’ve tried this is down right “cheap” and a little goes a long way.
And there you have it. If you are looking for a new product to try, give Tara a shout. The link is above, but I’ll post it here again. https://purpleumbrella.seintofficial.com/en She doesn’t know that I did this and there is no kickback to me. I just appreciate the products and want to support another mom.
Andrea McDonald has been a friend of mine for I guess almost 17 years. She’s one of those dynamos that conquers anything she decides to do. I chose her for a shoutout because she has an amazing photography business that she built from the ground up.. and then decided to start a side-gig as well!
So first I have to say, if you live within a couple of hours of Fort Worth/Dallas and need amazing photos, you should use Andrea. The pics that she has taken of my family are incredible. Her business is called Rooted in Love Photography. The url is rootedinlovephoto.com
These are of our family in 2016. Wow. I’m going to have to start saving for some new family pics. The investment is .Worth. it.
But these days I’m all about her hair product business! A few years ago, Andrea started using and promoting Monat hair products. I joined her facebook group and have watched her hair transform. Well, I last month, I decided that my hair had to have help. So I messaged Andrea and got started.
I can’t wait to see how amazing my hair is going to look in a year!
To answer your question. Yes, the products are expensive. But you only use a tiny bit at a time. And here is the biggest thing besides my hair looks SO MUCH BETTER… I don’t have to wash my hair all the time anymore. For the first time in my life, I can go 3 or 4 days between washings and even bigger, I don’t have to wash my hair after running! OMG. Not washing my hair and blow drying it and flat ironing it every morning is huge!
So there you have it. If you need photographs or great hair products, give Andrea a shout. Have a great week!
I decided that for the month of November, I am going to spotlight some of the women in my life that run businesses or have “side gigs” that have made an impact on my life. Why? Because yesterday (10/31) as I was getting ready for the day I realized that most of the items that I use on a daily basis come from women run businesses and I want to support them!
The following November posts will NOT be paid ads. I’m not going to give them a shout out if I don’t use or have the product. I’m not even seeking the women out ahead of time and telling them that I’m doing this. However, if any of these awesome ladies have discount codes they want to share, I’ll post them.
So here we go. I think this will be fun!
The first shout out goes to my daughter Maddieand Young Living. When Maddie went to college, she took with her all of her health issues and struggles. Yes, duh. Of course she did. But instead of allowing chronic illness and a body that is at war everyday to define her experience; she thrived. Truly, against all odds, she was healthier away at college, living in a dorm that she had ever been. And I attribute a lot of it to her finding Young Living that first fall and signing up as a monthly member. In doing so, she made a commitment to her health and opened our world to the “Ditch and Switch” mindset. That first year we became “oily” and friend of a friend, Angela and her Essentially Sage Advice mentored our journey as I quickly became a member and fell in love with the all natural products.
My Top Pick: Thieves
If you haven’t ever tried Thieves, you are missing out. There is a lot of research about its cleansing abilities and you can look into that if interested. Some of the Thieves products I use are: the hand sanitizer, the hand soap, the fruit and veggie wash, the detergents, the cough drops, and the oil.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the mix of Clove, Orange and Thieves. Well, really, I love Thieves mixed with any citrus, but these 3 are my go to smell around the house for fall.
Bottom line.. Thieves makes everything better.
And there you have it. I never imaged that my house would be filled with oils and oily products. But we are all in over here. If you have any questions, let me know. I can get you in touch with Maddie or Angela. I have not regretted a single purchase and am committed to my Essential Rewards Membership as my family has benefitted from it beyond my wildest dreams.
Check back in a couple of days for my next November Spotlight.
For years I thought that in order to share my passion for life, art and creative things I had to make everything “Good Enough”.. in other words.. Perfect. I knew that perfection wasn’t attainable, but I struggled to make things as perfect as possible. My head would not allow my heart’s creative efforts to flourish because I couldn’t move beyond the mindset that my work wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t talented enough. I just wasn’t…. enough.
But I realized that the only way my children, and my students for that matter, would learn to share their work, their passions, and enjoy creative pursuits would be to see me sharing my life and my creative effort as well.
So finally at age 45, I came to an understanding that while my personality type drives perfection and reward, I do not have to be defined by that. More, I determined to no longer live in that trap. I decided that I would rather have peace than perfection.
That’s why I started sharing my paintings last year. Do I think they are perfect, nope. Do I see every flaw, every mistake, every missed opportunity. YES. But I am choosing to move beyond the never ending quest for perfection and am instead enjoying the process.
It’s hard. Every. Single. Time. There is something so incredibly personal about putting artwork out for public consumption. It’s weird. I’ve given speeches and preached sermons, presented at conferences and workshops, and have published articles about art and teaching, but none of those things feel as personal and defining as my music compositions, my playwriting, and my artwork.
And that is why the creative process is magical. When we go through the creative process, we leave something of ourselves in the work. In doing so, we have to come to a point where we say that just as we are, we are good enough. And that is hard. But when we come to that point, it is oh, so freeing.
And that is why I share my work. It’s my coming to terms with the fact that my work will never “be good enough.” After almost 25 years in education, and a lifetime in the arts, I have a firm grasp on the fact that I am not a natural talent. But I have so much drive and desire and a willingness to learn! And maybe that is the real lesson in the art.
I don’t have to be perfect, or a natural talent. In the grand scheme of life, most of us aren’t that slim percentage of natural talent. I just have to want to create, be willing to learn and more than that, be willing to fail as I find my wings. I know it’s trite. But you know, that’s kind of where I am these days. Letting go of the pursuit of perfection has allowed me to find my wings, my voice, and most importantly, my peace.