Transitional Parenting

Transitional Parenting.

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Maddie and Me. Photo by Amanda Akins Photos

That’s the kind of parenting that I am doing right now with my daughter who is a high school senior. Actually, I’m struggling to be a transitional parent as I am so used to being a hands on all the time mom… and still am to my 12 year old and 8 year old… but my high school senior is very ready for me to let go, and let her go.

But oh this is hard.

I’ve heard all of the stories for years. I didn’t doubt them.

But it is different when it is YOUR CHILD!

For the last almost 18 years, my entire world has been wrapped up in keeping Maddie well. Every decision, every plan, every possibility has been weighed against the potential medical response that Maddie might need. I can’t explain it really. Maddie’s medical needs have been an ever present issue. And now, it is terrifying to let go and help her walk away and prepare for college.

And she is doing it.

Maddie applied for college the first weekend applications opened. She was accepted almost immediately.

Maddie has been to a scholar’s preview and has accepted her first scholarship.

Maddie is taking ownership of her scholarship essays and telling me to butt out.

Maddie is ready to take on the world.

Her momma might need some counseling.

It really is amazing how wonderfully Maddie is doing right now. She is the healthiest that she has ever been. She is confident and strong.

These were the days that we prayed for when she was little and things were so scary.

So we are in a time of transition.

May God have grace on parents of high school seniors!

 

 

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Rough Creek Trail Run

I ran the Rough Creek 10k Trail Run yesterday. WOW! It was an awesome experience. I’ve never completed a trail run before and I now know that when they say

  • steep ascents and descents for a bit, rolling hills for a while, and flats to open up and run your heart out.
  • well-groomed non-technical trail and rocky, rugged, technical sections too!

They MEAN IT!!

Dang. My calves are sore and the bottoms of my feet are feeling raw from planting on those rocks. I’m going to have to go shoe shopping before next year!

 

I’m proud of my time and place. There were 83 10k people with 51 being female. I came in at 44/83. As is my usual, I’m right in the middle of the pack. In my age group I was 6 out of 23. Not bad.

Now that I know that the course for the 10k is really closer to 7 miles, I will plan better and do more trail running. Okay, so I didn’t do any trail running prior to this, so even one run would result in a better time for next year!

Nonetheless, I had two goals for yesterday. Not fall and finish. I accomplished both!

Experiences of the Exceptionally Average

I’m going to tell you something about myself. I’m average.

There.

I said it.

It’s a relief.

There is something to be said for understanding who you are. This understanding has been earned the hard way.. through blood, sweat and tears.. but I truly appreciate the process and what I have learned about myself.

So here is what I know.

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I’m an average artist.

I’m an average runner.

I’m an average musician.

I’m an average teacher.

I’m an average friend.

I’m an average parent.

I’m average.

And I’m okay with that!

Why? Because being average doesn’t mean I am mediocre. Being average doesn’t mean that I don’t strive on a daily basis to be better or do more. But being average does mean that I have had the opportunity to recognize my strengths and weaknesses and that I am possibly more of a realist than someone who lives life from the front.

I want to share with you some of what I have learned from being thoroughly, completely, fully and even exceptionally average…

  1. It will not be easy.

    Learning to read was hard for me. I continued to work at this long after my peers had mastered reading fluently. I didn’t read well until 4th grade and this ability didn’t come easily. It took lots of repetition and reading aloud, but finally, the light switch was flipped in my brain.

  2. It will not be quick.

    One of the life lessons from the ranks of the average is that you learn perseverance. Be it homework, test preparations, learning a new role/job, or running distance miles, these tasks will take time and repetition.  Today as I plodded down the road contemplating life, I embraced the 11:30 pace that I was “running.” For whatever reason, in this season my running pace is a good two minutes plus slower than my old pace.. and that old pace wasn’t fast! But the grace in being average is that I didn’t give up. If I had once been fast, I would have quit at this pace. But living life in the average lane means that I understand that most things are going to take time!

  3. It will not be seen.

    Unless you are the valedictorian or salutatorian of your graduating class, no one else is going to remember where you sat at graduation!  I graduated number 21 in my class… since I don’t even remember if it was the second or third row… how can I expect anyone else too!

  4. It will not be flashy.

    Life is not made up of paparazzi moments. Life is made up of work and sweat and grit and occasionally, you get to be a photobomber.

But life as an exceptionally average person is not drudgery. We, the average in all things, are incredibly employable!

Why? Because of our experiences in life! When you learn through life experiences that life isn’t easy, quick, seen or flashy.. you learn to find meaning in the process and enjoy the journey!

So here is my advice to all the  “exceptionally average”… embrace it, acknowledge it, and then be empowered to do more.

It’s not just about HAVING an innovator’s mindset, you have to USE it!

I’m reading George Couros’ book, The Innovator’s Mindset.

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I love everything about this book! What I am finding interesting is that even though I have always had an innovator’s mindset and have embraced all that being an innovator entails in both my personal life and as a teacher;  I have not always empowered my student’s to embrace the innovator’s mindset.

As I am reading this book, I am pondering many of the norms in my classroom and in my school and asking myself lots of questions. For example:

  • Why do we have to do ______ a certain way?
  • Why do we come from a place of negativity when it comes to rules and expectations?
  • Why do we expect kids to fail/get in trouble/do things wrong?
  • When are we giving students choices?
  • When are students leading learning?
  • When are we modeling the innovator’s mindset?

All of my questions come back to Couros’ examination of student compliance vs student empowerment. It shames me to think about the fact that even in an artistic environment where students are asked to innovate and create everyday, I have always required compliance! OUCH.

But guess what? I am required to comply everyday as well. I have always hated the posted rules, class room procedures and expectations requirement for “good” classroom management. For years I bucked the system and didn’t post things.. but in order to be an “effective” teacher it was necessary to  post these guidelines.

So I did.

And guess what, students that didn’t comply didn’t care which rule they broke. Students that didn’t behave responsibly didn’t check my posted expectations and procedures to see how they deviated from the posted signs. The only thing that my signage did was to show adults that walked through my class that I had “good classroom management.”

So today I yanked my signs off the wall! These signs take up valuable wall space and I’d rather post positive messages and show off student work! What gave me the courage to take down the warning signs? Well, Couros made me do it!

I want my classroom to be a place of empowerment. I want students to be willing to risk it all and try new things in my space. I want to push students to expand their mindset and become an innovator. And I can’t do that from a place of compliance.

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No, I’m not going to have a free for all in my classroom! I am way to organized and driven for that nonsense! But I need to move past the statements that demand compliance.

Instead, here is one of my new posters…

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So yes, in a way I am still demanding compliance.. but the mindset is different. Instead of requiring that students all put the pencils away the same way or put their name on their papers in the same two inch space on their papers, I am demanding that students imagine. I am demanding that students dream, collaborate and inspire others with their work and their choices.

I can’t wait to see how the shift in mindset frees my students and my own personal creativity. I’m sure it will be wild ride, but I know that it will be worth it.

Open letter to Pediatric Specialists

This week we took my daughter Maddie to a new specialists. This was her 22nd Specialist. Twenty-two times we have sat in a specialist waiting room and have answered countless questions. 22 times. This number doesn’t even include dental/oral specialists, physical therapists, and all the other extra doctors/practitioners we have seen over the years.

We left frustrated.

We left a little more resigned.

We left a little more heartbroken.

So here are my thoughts, not that any specialist will ever see them.. but it makes me feel better to get them on paper. I realize that there are many specialists out there doing a fantastic job and making a huge difference in the lives of children (Dr Wasserman is our hero!) But for every incredible doctor we have seen, we have a handful that have left scars.

Those scars hurt.

And when your whole life is about finding help for your child, having a specialist add to the wound is wrong. I truly don’t believe they realize what they are doing… so here are my wishes and recommendations:

  1. My child has a name.
    Please make an effort to talk TO my child, not at my child. Even better, call her by name! The best way to make a connection is to find a few moments to get to know the patient. I realize that you don’t need a connection, but WE DO!
  2. Read the medical chart before entering the room.
    If we are seeing you, the likelihood is that there is a reason! Please don’t ask us simple questions about diagnosis and referrals, we need to see that you have read the chart and have made an effort. And really, when I have to explain what the primary diagnosis means or how to spell it, how can you expect me to trust anything else that you have to say?
  3. Honor the work that we have made to get here.
    You may not agree with what other doctors have done or said in the past. In fact, you may not see any reason for us being in your office, but please honor the work it has taken to be sitting in your exam room.
  4. Listen
    When you ask a question, listen to the answer. Don’t assume that you already have the answer. We can tell and the best way to get a child to stop answering your questions is to show her that you don’t really care what she has to say.
  5. Don’t discount our experiences
    My child has been sick for 17 years. I have sat in countless doctors offices and have experienced more than you could ever imagine. My daughter is in the 1% club for side effects, allergies, and illnesses. I’ve lived through the fine print! Please, don’t discount our experiences. Just because we don’t describe it exactly how you read it in the textbook doesn’t make it any less valid.
  6. My child is more than a test result and quality of life matters
    I realize that your care is driven by and dependent upon test results, but those things don’t mean much to me. I care about my child and the fact that she is hurting. When tests results mean another dead-end, can you please offer more than “well, at least we have another no..”
  7. Do a thorough examination
    My daughter told you that she had seen 21 other specialists for a reason… She didn’t like your vibe. You then proved it by doing a minimal examination. bummer. You proved you didn’t care right then.
  8. Acknowledge that you don’t have the answers
    After 17 years of consultations and testing, I don’t expect you to have the answers. I pray daily that you do, but I don’t expect you to do so. So instead of brushing off symptoms and clinical observations, acknowledge that you don’t know what to do! We will honor that and invite you to join the journey.
  9. Imagine life in our shoes.
    I’m guessing that living life as a speciality doctor gives you the understanding that you are the smartest person in the room most days. Well, being the smartest person in the room may or may not be the case, but you could at least be empathic! I don’t imagine you have ever considered what it would mean to you and your mindset if you had to go through life knowing that no matter what you did, where you looked, or who you talked to, you couldn’t make things better/heal/fix your child!
  10. Please leave me with hope
    At the end of a consultation leave us with hope. Please. Instead, after sitting through an almost 2 hour visit you said there was no reason for a follow up unless the blood work came back “icky.” Really? How hard would it have been to leave us with the “I’ll be in touch” or something tinged with hope?! But to make a decision that we aren’t worth your time before even seeing test results? really? nice.

So what do we do? We continue to fight. We continue to research on our own. We continue… It seemed awfully easy for you to look at us and say that the current medical research doesn’t have a unifying diagnosis for my daughter. But it’s not easy for us.

and so we will continue the fight, we will continue to search, we will continue to hope.

Cause Maddie matters.

The quest continues with Specialist #22

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Today we are meeting specialist #22.

Yes, today will be the 22nd time we have sat down with doctors who have chosen to specialize in a branch of medicine and have hoped for answers for Maddie.

I’m hopeful. I have to be.

But I’m not “getting my hopes up.”

Over the last 17 years we have learned resignation. Dang.

But we have never given up. We have never quit. We have never stopped searching for answers.

So today, we go meet another doctor. We tell Maddie’s story again.

Maybe, oh please, maybe today we will meet a doctor willing to captain Maddie’s uncertain and uncharted medical ship.

We have to hope.

UIL OAP JUDGING

As the 2017-2018 school year approaches and it’s time to hire UIL One-Act Play judges, it’s time for me to post my judging philosophy.  Over the last few years as a clinician and judge I have worked with shows from Junior High to 5A. I love and respect all levels.

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It’s judge hiring season for UIL One-Act Play. I remember as a director how stressful this time was. The wonder and the fear… so much responsibility to give just one person! And what if the judge hated our play?!! It truly was a nerve-wrecking process.

Now I sit at the other side of the table at the Director’s Meetings and I see the same stress and fear. I love that most of the district’s have gone to panel judging so that there are three sets of eyes and ears (and perspectives) as this is essentially a playoff game with no preseason or district competition to see where you rank among other schools!

For directors and contest managers still looking for judges and looking at my profile, here are my take-aways.

I love UIL OAP… all of it. The camaraderie, the competition, the nerves and the joy.

I respect you and the work that you have put in to get to this point. I competed in non-advancing OAP shows as a student. We worked just as hard as the advancing shows.

Resources are limited. I know that some schools have state of the art equipment and stages and some of you don’t even have a single 4×8 platform. As a director, I worked at 2A, 3A and 4A schools. I have lived in both worlds.

I value your students. As a judge, I give honest critiques, but my goal is that every student walks away feeling empowered by the UIL OAP experience. I don’t believe in belittling students, nor do I believe that it anything is gained by making a student feel as if he or she was solely responsible for the failure or the success of a production.

I appreciate the opportunity and I don’t take it lightly. When I sign my judging ballot, please know that I take the responsibility seriously… I have read your play prior to competition, I have watched the production you have placed on the stage, I have taken detailed notes, and I have given constructive feedback. It is only after the awards and critiques are over that I take a deep breath of relief. Getting it right is that important.

Thanks for taking the time to consider me for a judging assignment.

Emily McLemore

Adjunct Drama Instructor: Ranger College
Visual Art Teacher: Stephenville High School

MFA, Theatre: Florida Atlantic University
BA, Theatre: Hardin-Simmons Universit

Themed Family Vacation Shirts.. Disney Here We Come!

I love matching family vacation shirts! But with the wide span of sizes and ages, it is hard to get something that everyone will willingly wear. So… I’m making them!

We leave for Disney in 21 days! So far I’ve purchased/ordered the shirts and the heat sensitive vinyl and am creating designs. I am WAY more into the design phase than my family. In fact, I am pretty much driving them crazy with this “how bout this one questions.”

For Day 1 which is traveling to Disney and spending some time at Magic Kingdom I have us all wearing the same shirt.

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I didn’t put the date or “McLemore Family Vacation” on it because my goal is to create shirts that we might just want to wear after the trip!

For Day 2 we are returning to Magic Kingdom for the full day and we are all going to go with the Peter Pan theme. I bought green shirts as bases. Here are my designs.

Day 3 is Hollywood Studios and I purchased Kylie a shirt from Walmart as our jumping off point. We are going to be wearing purple shirts and sporting the Star Wars theme.

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Day 4 is off to Universal Studios where Kylie and Doug are going with Marvel shirts and Lexi, Maddie and I are going with Harry Potter!

Day 5 is back to Disney and Animal Kingdom. Hakuna Matata anyone?

Day 6 is a little Epcot and then home. I’m still working on these shirts, but I’m leaning towards Beauty and the Beast… Beast Mode for Doug and “I want Adventure” for me.

I’ll share pictures of my finished work soon. 21 days till Disney!! Woohoo.

All for the +1, tweet, share and a follow

Social Media. It is a significant part of our lives.. whether we acknowledge it, believe it, or even if we want to run from it.

Good or bad, social media isn’t going to go away and refusing to figure out how to harness the positive attributes of social media because you hate the bad is like telling a teenager that “rock music is of the devil” and expecting the teen to stop listening to it!(And while no, I don’t believe such nonsense about rock music… I did hear that comment regularly from the ultra-conservative church that I went to as a child… but that is a blog story for another day..)

As a mom of daughters 17, 12, and 7 I am scared to death of what they will see and experience because of social media. But I can’t let that fear drive my decisions. I pray that they don’t have fake accounts and live secret lives on Instagram (if they have a “finsta” account I want to KNOW!!), but I hope that they don’t have choose to live fake lives in general! It’s my job as a parent to invest myself into their lives and make secret social media profiles so difficult that it isn’t worth the effort.

And I feel the same way about social media in the classroom. As a high school art teacher, I am constantly having to redirect students to spend more time on their art than on their phones. Snapchats are sent at a few hundred per minute. I’d like to believe that the majority of my students don’t use social media inappropriately, but given that they can’t stop themselves from looking, checking, snapping and posting everything that comes into their lives, I know that they are not going to consistently make decent choices. That is life.

So how do I model appropriate use? Because truly, that is where the teaching starts.. modeled behavior.

At home, I try not to post pictures of my children that they truly hate. My oldest daughter, Maddie keeps me in check. 🙂 Maddie is such a wise soul and reminds me that not every moment needs to be documented for the world and that basically life is a personal journey, not a social media journey. Yeah, I’m very grateful to have such an awesome 17 year old!

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At school, I takes dozens of pictures every day of students working. I have Stephenville High School Art Facebook and SvilleArt Instagram (that i forget to post on, so I have to tag my pictures from my personal account..eek.) but I post pictures regularly of students working. People love seeing my students in action and chronicling a work in progress is crucial for my students to see where they started and how far they have come by the time they finish their projects.

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One of the benefits of taking so many pictures of students at work is that there are no secrets in my classroom.  If a parent or an administrator wants to know what is going on, check my Facebook or Instagram feed… or better yet, come visit personally! There is no expectation of privacy in my classroom and that is a very good thing. No student or teacher needs to get so comfortable within their environment that they feel like it’s is a private room. What goes on in V21 DOESN’T stay in V21! Yes, I am a mentor and have lots of confidential conversations with students that I would never share on social media, but the general essence of my classroom isn’t a private or protected environment. And even if I wanted it to be, the reality is that with students and their devices, it wouldn’t be private anyway!

So as the world of technology gets murkier with each passing day, I firmly believe in the value of social media. I love that through the use of Facebook and Instagram the families and friends of my students get to see what they are learning and creating on an almost daily basis. No matter where in the world they live!

Are there problems? Of course there are. And this whole fake Instagram “finsta” stuff has me rattled for sure! But I have to keep asking questions and not letting the problems of social media scare me away from the benefits. As parents and teachers our job is to push, to prod, to teach, to encourage, to correct, to forgive, to inspire and to love.  Modeling appropriate use of social media for my students helps me to do that.

And those are my thoughts on the use of social media for  #EDUBLOGSCLUB PROMPT 19.