I am 44 years old and I have lived most of my life thinking that I am fat. The reality is that I’m not. Yes, I need to lose 15 pounds. But I’m fit. I’m healthy. I’m strong. I’ve been these things most of my life.
But the reality and the mind are not necessarily friends.
This weekend while sitting and talking with one of my sisters, she told us the story of rebuking a lie about herself and her parenting that had taken hold in her head. Last fall an incredibly mean-spirited person called her some ugly names and said she was a bad mom. She is NOT a bad mom. She is an INCREDIBLE mom. She is so thoughtful and consistent in her parenting. Even though she is still early in the parenting journey, I listen and learn from her all the time. The reality is that the person who said ugly things about her, didn’t know her and knew nothing about her parenting.. but the seed was planted and she realized that she had to rebuke the lie and claim freedom and grace and strength in the fact that she is a GOOD mom.
I listened to the story and was outraged and ready to go fight this nameless person. I was so mad on my sister’s behalf.
Last night after we got home and I was getting ready for bed, I realized that I have been struggling for YEARS with a lie that took hold in my head and has paralyzed me. Everyday when I look in the mirror and consider my food choices, in the back of my mind a little voice has said, “what does it matter, you are just a fat a** anyway..” I was shocked. I realized for the first time in probably 30 years what was happening to me.
So this morning, I decided to do some research and look for physical proof that I have been a fat a** all of my life.
Here is what I found. I was not fat.
Out of 44 years, I have three years where I was overweight and one year where I was very heavy. During the 2010-2012 years I had a very sick child where I took her to the doctor over fifty times each of those years… and I had a baby in 2009. In June 2012 I realized what was happening and took control of my health.
To anyone else, I would have called out that lie that they were saying about themselves. I would have preached grace.
But for myself, I believed the lie.
So today, I am rebuking the lie that I was told so many years ago. Oh the power I gave someone else’s words. The careless words of others have wounded me daily for years.
And no more.
I am not fat.
Today I am embracing freedom and grace.
Today I am claiming my mental and emotional health back.
Today I am standing on the promise that I am created in God’s perfect image and that I am STRONG. I am HEALTHY. I am FIT!
Today, I rebuke the lie that I have allowed define me for all of these years.